Fifty million piss sticks and one blood test all confirm that we are not pregnant. And if that wasn't enough confirmation ... AF arrived this morning.
When we started this journey, I thought all we needed was some sperm and some good timing. I had no idea I had endometriosis, scarring, a blocked tube, a dodgy cervix, a low ovarian reserve, a poor response to FSH and crappy eggs. When our doctor said we would need to do IVF, I was disappointed but I figured the up side was we'd be bypassing a whole lot of IUI attempts and disappointment. I'd read a lot of lesbian blogs where ladies who had no luck with IUIs, got pregnant first go with IVF, so I was hoping that's how it would be for us except we wouldn't have to go through all the IUIs to get there. Unfortunately things haven't turned out the way we planned. We're not the one-hit-wonders at IVF we'd hoped we would be. Producing hardly any follicles was a blow, being told I produce poor quality eggs was gutting (and probably the worst discovery to date), but following all of that up with a BFN and no frosties has left me wishing the ground would just swallow me up. Now, for the first time, I think the dx of infertility is really starting to sink in. I wasn't taking it too seriously before ... But now I am and I'm struggling with the reality of it. The reality that we might not be able to afford the number of IVF cycles we actually need to get pregnant. The reality that we might not be able to make a baby with my eggs and I may have to give up my biological role in this whole process. The reality that I may never get pregnant and we may end up in alot of debt with no baby to show for it.
It's been a shit week and while I know we've learnt a lot in terms of what to do differently next time, this whole cycle has been a painful reality check. Needless to say, we are sitting this next cycle out to let my body and our bank balance recover.
Bubba Pig
18 hours ago
Hey, I have just discovered your blog. IVF is really tough, and I know the disappointment you are feeling is an emptiness like nothing else. I really hope you two find a solution to expanding your family soon. All of us here understand the feelings and you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It's always hard accepting defeat at the end of a cycle, but we will bounce back :)
DeleteI'm so sorry. I know it sucks but I am sure you guys will find a way, the good thing about being a lesbian couple is that there is two women in the relationship! That means more possibilities of finding a way to have babies ; ) I am a non bio mum at the moment and this journey with my wife and my baby girl has been the most amazing ever and if I won't ever be a bio mum it doesn't matter because I have been so lucky to be a parent anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm sure you are considering your options here, try another cycle with your eggs? using your partner eggs (if possible), donor eggs, your partner undergoing IVF? adoption? there is so many possibilities out there. It's not over yet!
Best of luck with everything, and again I know it sucks. But the pain will go away and you will be ready to start again.
Thanks. Yes, lots of decisions to be made in the future. I guess what will be will be. We have two beautiful girls already and if that's all we are meant to have then we are still very lucky indeed. But giving up on the dream of having a little one together will be a hard pill to swallow if it comes to that. For now we will find a way to keep trying and will see what happens next time around.
ReplyDeleteso sorry things didnt turn out the way we had all hoped. sending hugs your way, hoping time helps you heal.
ReplyDelete