Moving right along ...

Yesterday morning was my last test. My temp had dropped a bit so I was expecting the BFN that came. I was sad and disappointed having to wake Scout up to tell her. Even though AF hadn't arrived, I knew it was over and I needed to let go of any hope for the cycle. Scout gave me a big hug and of course that just made me start to cry. I honestly didn't think I would be that upset after only our first try but I was. That first test with the faint line really got my hopes up and I think that made the BFNs that followed a little harder to swallow. We knew the IUI was a long shot but I guess we were both still hoping we might beat the odds. Anyway, this morning my temp dropped again and by morning tea I was spotting. I actually felt ok about seeing it. I'd already accepted the outcome yesterday so it was more a sign of finally being able to move on, which I really needed.

I have to say, this whole waiting and testing experience has been far worse than I expected. I think I've actually developed an aversion to POAS. I thought it would be all about the excitement and hope of seeing that second line but instead it ended up being more about the dread and fear of not seeing it. I have no idea how so many women out there go through this experience month after month and still function. Anyway, the minute I saw spotting this morning I decided I wasn't even going bother waiting for full flow. I just rang the clinic, told them my period had arrived and asked to be booked in for pre IVF appointments. I barely even registered the commiserations offered by the nurse at the time, I just wanted to focus on the next cycle. At first she told me the earliest appointment at my clinic was 28th May! I was unimpressed to say the least. That would mean missing 2 whole cycles before even starting down regulation. So essentially 3 cycles out! I was not up for that. Fortunately she was very understanding and wanted to help, so she rang around and found us appointments at a sister clinic for this Thursday! How good is that?! We will be able to do our nursing, finance and counseling appointments all back to back at this clinic and they will clear us to start IVF back at our usual clinic next cycle. I am so relieved. It's nice to feel like we're moving forward again instead of just marking time :). It will still be a long month but I am looking forward to getting my head back on track and thinking about something other than whether I might be pregnant or not!