Pages

Ads 468x60px

Wednesday 19 December 2012

5 stages of grief in 8 hours of work

Denial: Right now there's only one line but maybe it just needs more time.
Anger: Why the fuck didn't they tell me Pregnyl can delay your period?!
Bargaining (or in my case 'Begging'): Please god, please don't let this be another BFN.
Depression: Who am I kidding. I'm incapable of getting pregnant. I give up.
Acceptance (of sorts): It's a BFN. Just bleed already so I can have a fucking drink.

That was my day today. It would be nice to think that acceptance could be achieved in 8 hours but unfortunately I'm still bitter and twisted. The brown had turned to red. I'm not even going in for the blood test tomorrow. It's Scout's birthday and I'll be fucked if I'm leaving home at 5.45am on her birthday to go in for a blood test that tells me jack shit. It can happen when it suits me. And as for this baby making shit ... I am beyond over it. I've wasted a year, $25 K and my last shred of sanity on it, all for nothing. I'm over it. I can't do it. 3 transfers, 5 embryos. Seriously, how can I have ready made embryos placed in my uterus and still not get pregnant? What the hell is wrong with me?!! IVF is a fucking rort.


8 comments:

  1. Baby I love you and I am Soooo proud of you through out this whole year. I feel all the hurt, dissapointment, anger and grief everytime I look in your eyes. I wish so much that I could relief just a small portion of it for you. You are the bravest person I know, and I will always be here and support you my darling. I know it is going to take some time to find some normaty Again. But know that the girls and I love you to the moon and back. I love you sweetheart xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh meela, im so sorry. i was so hopeful for you ladies with this round. at least you can have a drink. if you have one, have a few for me. wishing you the best and as happy a holiday season as possible. ::hugs::

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Amy - Will definately have one for you :)

      Delete
  3. Just found your blog... I'm so sorry that you're in this space right now :(

    There's not a lot anyone can say, you do just need to feel whatever it is you need to feel and don't be hard on yourself about it.

    I hope 2013 brings good things for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Aussiemumma's. I'll bounce back. Hopefully 2013 will bring great things for all of us :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your lovely DP's comment made me tear up. There are no words for such huge disappointment. I'm going to have a large glass of red for you later! Hoping 2913 brings good things your way. Laura xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes ... It made me cry too. I am so lucky to have her. Thanks for your support Laura. I hope good things come you way too next year :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sad to have come across your blog on this momentous disappointment. I am sorry to see that you are having a rough time. I look forward to reading your blog more and seeing what 2013 has in store for you!

    ReplyDelete

Wednesday 19 December 2012

5 stages of grief in 8 hours of work

Denial: Right now there's only one line but maybe it just needs more time.
Anger: Why the fuck didn't they tell me Pregnyl can delay your period?!
Bargaining (or in my case 'Begging'): Please god, please don't let this be another BFN.
Depression: Who am I kidding. I'm incapable of getting pregnant. I give up.
Acceptance (of sorts): It's a BFN. Just bleed already so I can have a fucking drink.

That was my day today. It would be nice to think that acceptance could be achieved in 8 hours but unfortunately I'm still bitter and twisted. The brown had turned to red. I'm not even going in for the blood test tomorrow. It's Scout's birthday and I'll be fucked if I'm leaving home at 5.45am on her birthday to go in for a blood test that tells me jack shit. It can happen when it suits me. And as for this baby making shit ... I am beyond over it. I've wasted a year, $25 K and my last shred of sanity on it, all for nothing. I'm over it. I can't do it. 3 transfers, 5 embryos. Seriously, how can I have ready made embryos placed in my uterus and still not get pregnant? What the hell is wrong with me?!! IVF is a fucking rort.


8 comments:

  1. Baby I love you and I am Soooo proud of you through out this whole year. I feel all the hurt, dissapointment, anger and grief everytime I look in your eyes. I wish so much that I could relief just a small portion of it for you. You are the bravest person I know, and I will always be here and support you my darling. I know it is going to take some time to find some normaty Again. But know that the girls and I love you to the moon and back. I love you sweetheart xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh meela, im so sorry. i was so hopeful for you ladies with this round. at least you can have a drink. if you have one, have a few for me. wishing you the best and as happy a holiday season as possible. ::hugs::

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Amy - Will definately have one for you :)

      Delete
  3. Just found your blog... I'm so sorry that you're in this space right now :(

    There's not a lot anyone can say, you do just need to feel whatever it is you need to feel and don't be hard on yourself about it.

    I hope 2013 brings good things for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Aussiemumma's. I'll bounce back. Hopefully 2013 will bring great things for all of us :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your lovely DP's comment made me tear up. There are no words for such huge disappointment. I'm going to have a large glass of red for you later! Hoping 2913 brings good things your way. Laura xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes ... It made me cry too. I am so lucky to have her. Thanks for your support Laura. I hope good things come you way too next year :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sad to have come across your blog on this momentous disappointment. I am sorry to see that you are having a rough time. I look forward to reading your blog more and seeing what 2013 has in store for you!

    ReplyDelete

Recent News