Hope and putting it out there

We are now in our 5th IVF cycle, doing a natural thaw to put back the last of our embies.  Today is day 6.  I start using OPKs on Tuesday (just to make sure I don't miss an early ovulation) and have a scan on Wednesday (day 10) to make sure my uterus and ovaries and doing the right thing.  My last few cycles have been super short probably because of the weight loss / diet and exercise so I've been backing off on both for the last 2 weeks.  This last period was the shortest I've ever had.  I'm hoping this is a good thing and not a sign of pre-menopause (which would be just fucking dandy).  My clinic has been in fine form needing to be chased to do their job again.  First I had to chase up the admin people about confirming the cost of the cycle, then I needed to chase the nurse to get orders for the cycle from my FS, then I had to chase my FS's receptionist about getting back to me with an appointment for a scan with another FS since Dr P will be on holidays for the first half of my cycle.  It never ceases to amaze me how much I am paying for such a rediculously disorganised service.   Fortunately at this point I am relatively indifferent about the whole thing.  I just want to get this cycle out of the way so we can move on to greener pastures.  Our new specialist sounds awesome and I can't wait to meet her on 13th August.  I am looking forward to being tested for everything under the sun so we can be clear there isn't anything else we should be addressing ... which I suspect there is.  My current FS has been reluctant to do further tests re: immune issues etc until I've had at least 8 embryos fail to implant.  Given I've had 7 fail and if/when the next 2 follow suit we will be up to 9 ... I think we've wasted more than enough time, money and eggs/embryos meeting this rediculous criteria.  I just want to be tested and want to try something new.

Fertility crap aside, everyone in our house has been sick with the flu and I have been lucky last to finally get it so I have had the last few days off work and am resting up to try and get over it before we get to transfer.  The girls have been on holidays, so Scout has been working a lot on weekends and at night to keep all the balls in the air.  As much as we have been trying to save in preparation for the next few rounds of IVF, we have had too many other random expenses come up lately to make much headway.  It basically comes down to hoping we get a kick arse tax return which I think we will get given how much money we spent over the last 12 months on medical/IVF expenses.  Fingers crossed that's how it plays out anyway.

Apart from that I don't have much else worth sharing right now from my own little world. Too be honest, after hearing the news that Lex from CrazyLesbianMum is currently fighting the fight of her life right after being diagnosed with cancer in both her colon and liver ... our day to day issues at home and with TTC just feel small and irrelevant and hardly worth mentioning.  I am so shocked, saddened and just plain devastated for this woman and what's happened to her and I don't even know her.  I can't imagine what her and her family must be going through right now.  I just wish and hope the prayers of the collective of people behind her give her the hope, strength, and healing she needs to both fight and win this battle.  I feel frustrated that as human beings, we can't give the gift of healing to someone by simply wishing it for them.  I feel frustrated that diseases like this still exist in this world and continue to randomly steal away the lives of people we love and care about.  It's just.not.fair.  So for Lex and the two other people I cared about who are currently facing a similar situation, I am thinking you and I hope and pray that someone upstairs offers up the miracles I know each of you could do with right about now x