Tired, Cranky and Bound for Crazy Town

Down reg scan was all good although a little gross given I'm 3 days into my period. I'm just relieved there wasn't anything on the screen that shouldn't have been there. I was half expecting a set back but thankfully I didn't need to worry. So we're all good to go with stimming. I've started at 400iu of puregon this time. Next scan is in a week, so lets hope I'll be loaded with follies by then. I'm still sniffing which is going ok but I'm tired and feeling a little flat from the meds and how drawn out this cycle is. My alarm goes off every morning and night reminding me to take my dose which is a good thing because I would never remember otherwise. I am actually starting to get a bit sick of taking the syneryl (and preconception vitamins too for that matter!) but you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. I actually worked out the other day that I have spent nearly $500 in preconception vitamins alone since we started this whole thing in December last year. I am starting to resent buying them each month because it's a reminder that we're still not pregnant. I keep hoping each box will be the last one so I can start buying pregnancy vitamins instead! But so far that is yet to change.

Anyway ... I am preparing myself for the craziness that comes with these high doses of puregon. Hopefully I don't get caught shoplifting or anything weird this time around. I've also been quite depressed from the other meds and pretty cranky lately. I feel bad because I haven't had alot of patience with the girls and have been snappy with Scout quite often in the morning lately. I just don't seem to be sleeping very well so I'm a little worried that I'll become quite unbearable to be around over the next few weeks as the drugs build up. How people do this cycle after cycle I have no idea. All I know is I need to try and relax, distract myself, be patient with those I love, and keep my head about me as I head into the business end of this cycle.

The aftermath

This would have to be the heaviest period I have ever had. I'm not cramping as much as I thought I would but I'm still really uncomfortable and there seems to be no end to the clots that keep coming. I was surprised that my period arrived almost immediately after stopping the progesterone. One skipped dose and the next morning it was there. I'm not complaining ... In fact I'm glad I didn't have to wait too long for it to come. But it's a little scary to know that one missed dose could have that effect. Another unexpected side effect, which I'm assuming is the result of 'hormone withdrawal', is nausea. I haven't puked but I've felt pretty damn close to it. It actually woke me up the first night it was so bad. I just feel really sick and really uncomfortable.

Despite feeling like hell, I still went to work today and was a total space cadet. My boss was really concerned because she knows I've had lots of medical appointments and she knows I'm not right but she doesn't know why or what's wrong. Anyway, long story short, she's convinced me to take a week off work. I'm just shattered and under normal circumstances if I felt like this I wouldn't be dragging myself to work. I'd take a sick day or two or organise some annual leave, but I've taken so much time off work this year I've just felt like it's not an option to take more. So I've just kept pushing myself to keep going and keep it all together ... But clearly the cracks are starting to show. Anyway I guess I just needed someone to give me "permission" to take time out and fortunately I have a very insightful and supportive manager whose done exactly that. So ... I'm taking next week off. I am tired, run down and looking forward to having a rest. The girls are away at their dad's so Scout and I will have time to ourselves. She has been so great through all this, always knowing the right thing to say and putting up with my crankiness one minute and tears the next. She's so patient and loving and I am so lucky to have her. This BFN has hit her just as hard as me, so having some time off on our own together will be good for both of us.