Moving right along ...

Yesterday morning was my last test. My temp had dropped a bit so I was expecting the BFN that came. I was sad and disappointed having to wake Scout up to tell her. Even though AF hadn't arrived, I knew it was over and I needed to let go of any hope for the cycle. Scout gave me a big hug and of course that just made me start to cry. I honestly didn't think I would be that upset after only our first try but I was. That first test with the faint line really got my hopes up and I think that made the BFNs that followed a little harder to swallow. We knew the IUI was a long shot but I guess we were both still hoping we might beat the odds. Anyway, this morning my temp dropped again and by morning tea I was spotting. I actually felt ok about seeing it. I'd already accepted the outcome yesterday so it was more a sign of finally being able to move on, which I really needed.

I have to say, this whole waiting and testing experience has been far worse than I expected. I think I've actually developed an aversion to POAS. I thought it would be all about the excitement and hope of seeing that second line but instead it ended up being more about the dread and fear of not seeing it. I have no idea how so many women out there go through this experience month after month and still function. Anyway, the minute I saw spotting this morning I decided I wasn't even going bother waiting for full flow. I just rang the clinic, told them my period had arrived and asked to be booked in for pre IVF appointments. I barely even registered the commiserations offered by the nurse at the time, I just wanted to focus on the next cycle. At first she told me the earliest appointment at my clinic was 28th May! I was unimpressed to say the least. That would mean missing 2 whole cycles before even starting down regulation. So essentially 3 cycles out! I was not up for that. Fortunately she was very understanding and wanted to help, so she rang around and found us appointments at a sister clinic for this Thursday! How good is that?! We will be able to do our nursing, finance and counseling appointments all back to back at this clinic and they will clear us to start IVF back at our usual clinic next cycle. I am so relieved. It's nice to feel like we're moving forward again instead of just marking time :). It will still be a long month but I am looking forward to getting my head back on track and thinking about something other than whether I might be pregnant or not!

Stick interpretations

So yesterday was 12dpo and we tested. I left the stick on the bench in the bathroom, went back to bed and made Scout go and check on it 5 minutes later. She was in there for awhile before she finally called out asking me to come into the bathroom. I found her looking back and forth between the stick in one hand and the product info sheet in the other. On the stick there was a faint line in the test box. Scout was clearly concerned by the lack of a defined line but my head was saying YAY! It's a line! To me it didn't matter that it was faint, it was still positive. But Scout didn't want to get too excited by something so faint so we agreed to wait another day and test again with the hope of something more convincing. All day I had light cramps on and off. We went shopping and even stopped at BabyCo for fun but we left pretty quickly as I felt a bit ridiculous being in there when we didn't even know if we're pregnant yet. At the end of the day I was shattered and collapsed in bed. My nose was blocked and I had a stomping headache which I assume was from not drinking enough all day.

This morning my temp was high and I was excited to POAS. My urine was really light in colour but I tested anyway and the result ... a B.F.N. Talk about disappointing! The faint line yesterday must have been the tail end of the Pregnyl leaving my system. I'm feeling a bit bummed now and a bit silly for letting that faint line trick me into believing I could be pregnant. I am tired and cranky and crampy but I'm not pregnant. Clearly I must be premenstrual. I have peed (in the bowl, not on a stick) 4 times in the last 4 hours and each time it's light in colour and large in volume. I really haven't drunk all that much lately and I don't normally pee this much either. My period is due tomorrow but instead of my temp dropping, it's risen. My chart looks great. So I have no idea what my body is up to but it's annoying and I'm unimpressed. I had the flu shot on Wednesday so my guess is I'm getting unwell from that. I don't really want to give up on this cycle just yet, but I'm preparing myself for the fact that AF is more than likely on it's way. Our FS has already told us she thinks we will end up needing to do IVF so we won't be wasting our time on another IUI. We will just need to tighten our belts and scrap together the moola to make it happen.

Waiting to POAS

So we have decided we are going to do our first real "looking for a positive" test tomorrow :). We actually did a test right before the second Pregnyl shot purely to see if the first shot was out of my system, which it was. So, going by that, the second shot should now also be gone. Tomorrow will be day 12. It's the weekend. There are no more distractions. We are chomping at the bit to get this POAS show on the road! We have 3 sticks for the next three days so we'll just see what shows up first ... Two lines or AF.

My cramps have been barely noticeable for the last day or so, the full/heavy feeling down there still comes and goes and I am generally a cranky pants to be around ATM but I don't really have any classic symptoms. What I do have though is a high temp and the sweats through the night. There is either a bun in this oven or I'm getting the flu!