Not a lot happening despite plenty going on ...

We have had a tough week but baby is still on the inside.  Scout's Nan passed away on Saturday and we have pretty much been consumed with both the lead up to and fall out of that.  She had a blood disorder similar to leukaemia that we knew would take her at some point this year but we didn't expect it to happen right now.  She got a serious infection earlier this year and managed to survive it but hasn't been all that well since.  Then last Wednesday she went in for her usual transfusion of blood and platelets and unfortunately contracted MRSA from it.  She decided she'd had enough and declined any antibiotics which only had a slim chance of saving her.  So we pretty much spent Thursday through to Saturday up at the hospital with her waiting for it to take her.  It was pretty difficult and very stressful for everyone.  She had hoped she'd make it to see the baby.  That's all she'd been hanging in there for for the past 6 months so I was gutted that she didn't make it.  It broke my heart listening to her tell me that "this wasn't how it was meant to be" because she had wanted to still be here when the baby came.  I pretty much spent the entire 3 days on my feet, walking around with the hope that baby might come but in the end I just had to accept that it wasn't going to happen and even if it had, it would have probably created a lot of added unnecessary stress for Scout who would have then been torn about being in two places at once.  

Anyway, even though we thought the worst of the stress was behind us after Saturday, it seems to still be plaguing us.  Planning the funeral has been difficult for the family and it's brought up a lot of stuff for Scout about her childhood etc that she's found difficult.  The funeral director they are using has also been difficult about the timing of the funeral and has basically said they are too busy this week and can't do it over the Easter long weekend, so it has to wait till Tuesday next week.  Initially our concern was more about things being so drawn out for Poppa but after my midwife / OB appts at the hospital this week, it looks like we could still be looking at Scout having to choose between being in two places at once.  I am now 41weeks + 1 and looking down the barrel of an induction.  At both my last two appointments my cervix was still closed and they made attempts at sweeping the membranes but with a closed cervix it doesn't really do much good.  So yesterday when I saw the hospital OB, she wanted to book me in for an induction.  Not really something I was planning on but if that's what has to happen then so be it.  I asked that it be over the Easter weekend but of course they aren't doing bookings for the long weekend and are booked out between now and then so the earliest they can fit in a planned induction is Monday next week ... the day before the funeral.  I was kinda pissed because at first she's telling me that she doesn't want to wait that long to get baby out because I'll be almost 42 weeks, and then she comes back from looking at the diary and is suddenly ok with inducing next week because it fits into their schedule better.  Rediculous.  Anyway Scout was pretty pissed and upset about the whole thing.  If the induction goes ahead on Monday she will almost definately miss the funeral and is really having a hard time processing this.  I feel terrible and just want this baby to hurry up and come on her own before then but the chances of that happening aren't looking too good.  It's all just turned from being something we were looking forward to, to something we are now stressing about.  

On top of everything, we are also trying to figure out what we will do with the kids.  Scout's dad's side of the family were going to be the one's looking after the girls when baby came, but that's not an option now because they have enough on their plate, plus school goes back next week and we live a long way away from the rest of our family, so we have a bit of a dilemma.  If baby comes this weekend, none of this will be a problem as there will be other people we can call on for help, but if we have to stick to the induction on Monday, things are just going to be all round difficult for everyone.  I know we just have to accept that whatever will be, will be, and baby arriving safely is the most important thing, but it's frustrating being forced to fit in with a holiday / long weekend, especially when it's creating all this stress.  Fortunately baby is still doing well in there so that's one thing we don't have to worry about at the moment, but I'm also mindful of the risks involved the longer she stays in there.  Anyway my mum had planned to wait till baby arrived before flying down here but last night I called her and asked her to come this weekend or Monday instead to help us if/when this induction goes ahead.  We'll probably find out today when she's likely to get here, but at this point I feel like the sooner she gets here the better.  

I go back in for fetal monitoring and another scan tomorrow and every other day from now until baby comes.  I have to say, the one blessing amidst all of this is that she is still doing really well in there.  Her heart rate was really good yesterday and she still had plenty of fluid around her so at this point everything is still looking good.  The midwife was also really happy with her position and said she was pretty much right to come straight out.  So now we just need my dodgy cervix to get it's act together and open up.  I'm not feeling all that confident that that's going to happen, but fingers crossed it comes through and we get this show on the road before Monday.

  

41 weeks and counting ...