Gigantor

We finally have a donor!   Scout texted me on Friday to say that a big thick envelope had arrived which she thought might be the profiles :)  She didn’t want to open it on her own, so we waited till I was home and we had some time to ourselves to rip it open and have a look.  They sent us 4 profiles to choose from.  The first one we read was the least impressive of the lot.  Under music he liked as a kid he put “Meatballs” lol.  We both killed ourselves laughing.  I'm guessing he meant “Meatloaf”, but that was pretty much enough for us to put him in the “no” pile.  To add to that, he was also about 10 years older than me, had a pretty boring profile and had some health issues we’d rather not risk.    The second to hit the “no” pile was not much better – also much older with an average profile (Scout said he sounded like a nerd) and a few health issues.  Fortunately out of the 4, these were the only two we didn’t like.  The remaining two had much more detailed profiles and were only slightly older than myself.  One was a Canadian immigrant and the other was legal officer in the army.  The first time we read the Canadians’ profile, we both loved it.  He’s smart, fit, has no health issues and he wrote the nicest letter to the “donor conceived child”.  Interestingly enough he is also gay and apparently both he and his partner have become donors.  The Army guys’ profile was also very good but it had a slightly negative undertone in a few parts that made us a little unsure.  It was only small things he said but they were enough to leave us questioning a few things.  He was also single and had some minor health issues. 

Scout’s immediate preference was for the Canadian guy.  And I liked that profile too, but a few superficial things had me tossing up between the two of them.  The Canadian is tall ... I mean 6’6” stand-out-of-the-crowd tall!  He also has brown hair and a history of acne as a kid.  The army guy was also tall but a good height – more like 5’9”.  Plus he had blonde hair and blue eyes like Scout and the girls.  Based on the profile as a whole, my gut feeling was to go with the Canadian, but my logic wanted features that might blend better into our existing family.  In the end we went with the Canadian but we also both had our own mini freak out after making the decision as to whether or not it was the right one.  Scout started to wonder if it was fair to load the kid up with two gay mums and a gay donor.  I didn’t really think this was an issue and if anything could only see benefits, but the “gigantor” factor had me a little concerned and the acne history was also something I had really hoped to avoid.  I had bad acne as a kid and it really scarred me not just physically but emotionally.  But we stuck with our initial decision in the end and I think we are both happy with this now.  I think what made it difficult was how limited the choice was and how quickly we needed to decide.  Basically we had to call the clinic within 24 hours of getting the profiles to make the selection and since Scout was working the next day we really only had one night to discuss it.  Once you decide it’s locked in, so to change our donor would cost us another $950 rematch fee which we really don’t want to have to pay – especially if they gave us worse options than we started with!   And the profiles are really limited – there’s no photos and hardly any details about what they look like, so it was a bit of pressure but we got there in the end.  I find it amazing reading all these American blogs where lesbians can pick and choose from loads of donors at a range of different sperm banks, and here we are with only 4 options.  I guess it’s better than none which is what we had before we started this process.  And at the end of the day, the child we have will always be the right one, so I guess which donor we choose really doesn’t matter.   

Anyway this morning I got a phone call from the donor nurse to confirm which donor we selected.  When we got the package there was a form it in that needed to be signed if the donor had any health issues – basically to say that we understood the risks associated with using that particular sperm.   I figured since our donor had a clean bill of health we wouldn’t need to sign it but the nurse said we do ... because he’s a 'homosexual'.  I have to say I was a little taken back by this.  It’s not like the donor and sperm isn’t checked and tested.  They quarantine the stuff for 6 months to ensure there isn’t anything wrong with it.  So why would I have to sign this form just because the donor is homosexual?  If we went with the army guy would they want us to sign a form to say we understand that he’s heterosexual?  I told Scout and she was pretty unimpressed.  She asked if the donor needs to sign a form that says it’s ok for us to use their sperm since we’re lesbians lol.  It’s not like the profile didn’t plainly state that the donor was gay.  It was spelt out in 3 different places!  So our donor has been put on hold for us but we have to sign this form and have our specialist witness and sign off with her ok before we can use him.  Just another bit of red tape to get through along with all the rest.  It's a good thing we aren't in any rush and I'm still waiting for the laparoscopy, cos this process is starting to feel pretty drawn out.  It’s been two months since we had our first appointment and we’re still nowhere near starting!  I need to find some patience cos we still have another month ahead of us before we can, and even once we do this could still be a very long journey.  Hopefully Gigantor's sperm is up to the task!