Nesting, baby brain and pissing my pants

16 weeks today :). No change in weight but still have plenty of hip pain going on for some reason and lately even a bit of stabbing pain in the sacrum.  I've started nesting ... already ... which is crazy cos I really don't have the energy for it.  My hay fever has been really bad, so sleep is just not happening with a blocked nose, dehydrated mouth and hips that do not subscribe to side lying, but somehow I'm still wanting to be cleaning and organising the house (?!).  We've been cleaning out cupboards etc and culling crap in general, but in the process we've also set up the girl's old cot in the baby's room, along with a change table, and a rug, cupboard and some shelves all bought on eBay.  There is still a pile of other junk in that room we need to sort through, sell, give to charity etc, but before we get to that I really want to sort out our own bedroom because it's pretty much the most neglected room in the whole house.  Anyway, it's making me tired just thinking about it.  Everything will get done eventually - I need to just chill about it.

Apart from dealing with the hay fever and lack of sleep I've been doing ok.  Work is hard when I'm feeling so tired from lack of sleep and my brain is just not working but I've got a loooong way to go so I need to figure out a way to cope with it.  My belly is growing and my clothing options are getting more limited.  I really need to start taking pictures but I still haven't got my act together yet.  I will ... soon :).  Biggest thing I'm looking forward to over the next few weeks is hopefully feeling some movements - there's heaps of different things I feel down there throughout the days but nothing I think would fit that description.  Worst symptom over the past week or so is actually wetting my pants when I cough.  How bad is that?!  When I haven't even had a baby yet?!!!   Scout thinks it's funny ... But i'm not impressed.  I really need to do something about my pathetic pelvic floor ... NOW.  Anyway ... Time for zzz ... my brain is barely functioning.  Hope everyone else is doing ok x

All Good :)

I know I've been slack with posting an update but I have just been really really tired.  At night I get home and just crash, so I haven't really had the energy to blog, but the scan which we ended up having at 13 weeks was fine.  Little one is doing everything it should which is great :).  Looking like a real little person now!  Due date based on growth came back as 05/04 but since this is slightly ahead of my original LMP based date (08/04) my mid wife suggested we stick with the 08/04 which is fine by me.  My first midwife appointment was last week and seemed pretty straight forward.  Lots of questions, gave me an pile of info booklets etc and talked about birthing and breast feeding classes they have at the hospital we will be delivering at.  We're keen to do the breast feeding class when we get closer to the due date but I'm not so sure about the birthing classes.  They're obviously going to be full of hetero couples and I'm just not sure it's something either of us are keen on putting ourselves through.  Scout never did birthing classes when she was pregnant with the girls and doesn't think it's necessary so I think we might skip it.  I don't know if anyone else has any thoughts on this?  Anyway ... Here's the pic from our scan.  They only gave me one and it's a bit fuzzy so we've decided to go somewhere else for the 20 week scan.

                     

Just before the scan I told a few of the people I work with that I was pregnant and then told management not long after, so now the news is pretty much all out there.  It's still filtering around to some but most people know and have been really excited for us :). 

Apart from being crazy tired, the morning sickness started to ease off around 12 weeks and can still come and go but it's nowhere near as constant or intense so I feel pretty lucky.  I'm starting to get more heart burn than anything now.  I've also had some weird pains in my tummy.  A few incidents of what I'm assuming was round ligament pain - mostly on the right but occasionally on the left.  I thought this didn't come till later but I'm discovering most things I've heard others talk about are turning out to be slightly different than I expected!  I had two nights of really bad pain at my pubic bone a week or two back which had me struggling to even get out of bed or roll over or anything, but fortunately that's disappeared now and moved on to nightly back and hip pain which is fortunately a bit more manageable.  Sneezing and coughing has been VERY painful when lying down for some time now and I have to tuck my legs up to avoid it.  Because it's spring, my hay fever has kicked in so I'm having to assume this 'tuck' position alot at night.

My tummy is expanding and I've been wearing maternity jeans to work.  Scout's had me coco-buttering my boobs, belly and butt every morning pretty much since we found out we were pregnant so my skin feels pretty good but it'll be interesting to see how it goes once this baby really starts pushing the boundaries!  It feels tight in there but I've still got plenty of soft chub on the outside :). I've not been eating the best I must confess, but I think it's had a lot to do with how tired I've been.  It's just been hard to be organised with meals.  I'm also often eating to try and feel better but I've discovered this doesn't always help.  So, so far I've put on 2.5 kg (almost 6 pounds?).  Will be interesting to see what happens to that number over the next couple of months!  

The girls are now back from holidays and we are back into the old routine with school etc.  It's a hard push at night after work to get everything done especially when I'm tired but I'm hanging in there.  Last weekend before they got back we decided to relocate Charlie into the spare room so we can make her old room into the baby's room.  It has an adjoining door to our room which we've previously just blocked off with a cupboard on our side and Charlie's bed on the other, but now it makes sense to set that room up as a nursery so we spent a lot of time reorganising things to make what was previously the spare room work for Charlie and it's turned out pretty good.  Now we just need to sort out the rest of the house and start collecting some of the stuff we'll need for baby :).  Anyway, lots to do but thankfully we still have plenty of time to do it all.  I'll keep you posted ... hopefully more often now that I'm in the second trimester!  

12 weeks 5 days

Not feeling nauseous quite as often now which is good ... but still feeling pretty tired and am starting to get headaches.   I'm now pessary free :). After the first week at half the dose my progesterone came in at 95 and after the second week with no pessaries at all it was 107 so I was pretty happy with that.  For the most part things seem to be going really well and while I'm feeling pretty positive, I have to say I'm starting to get alittle nervous in the lead up to my scan in a couple of days.  I caught up with a friend the other day to tell her I was pregnant and she then told me she had just had a miscarriage.   I felt terrible.  I didn't know she was pregnant or even trying, so talk about bad timing for me to be rocking up to tell her our news after what she's just been through.  She was happy for me but I felt pretty bad.  And she found out about the miscarriage at her 12 week scan so now I'm feeling a bit uneasy knowing my own scan is coming up.  I just need to try and stay positive and wait and see.  I told my dad our news last weekend and his response was a bit flat.  I think he was in a bit of shock since he didn't know we'd been trying  ... who knows what he was thinking.  I also told a few of the other girls I work with and fortunately they gave me a much better reception :). If all goes well with the scan then I'll be telling my supervisor and pretty much everyone will know after that.  

Our girls have been away visiting their dad for the holidays so Scout and I have been enjoying having some time to ourselves.  We took them away to Phillip Island for a weekend before they left and this past weekend we went away with Scout's parents to Acheron - they have a caravan and we took our camper.  We just hung out and did a bit of fishing which was nice.  Wasn't so great having to get up in the freezing cold and stumble through the caravan park to go to the toilet all the time at night but the rest of it was good lol.  Not sure what we will do next weekend, but it will be our last one before the girls come home so we'll be making the most of it ;). Anyway ... will post again after our scan. 

Bloated

Over the past two weeks my belly has blown up like a balloon!  I'm blaming the progesterone, but it doesn't seem to be making any difference that I'm now no longer on the stuff.  I'm not ready to tell people at work I'm pregnant ... but I'm sure people must be wondering given all this bloating is making me look alot further down the track than I really am.  My pants are uncomfortable and my shirts are riding up, even though all I'm housing at is a little Brazil nut!  Crazy.  

The morning, noon and night sickness continues.  Mornings are the worst ... It starts around 6am and doesn't ease up until about 10.  Apples help ... but not always.  Some days I find myself gripping my desk at work just trying to hang in there, wondering how the heck I'm going to get through the rest of the day.  Thankfully it usually subsides and is only off and on the rest of the day but I've had the odd occasion where it's hung around all day.  Anyway ... I'm taking it all as a good sign.  I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow!  Can't believe it :)

This past week we told Scout's mums side of the family and over the next few days we'll be telling her dad's side as well.  It's a bit difficult with the girls around because we don't plan on telling them till after the first trimester.  As nice as it would be to tell them right now ... they've been disappointed before so I'd rather wait till I feel alittle bit safer than I do right now.  The less time they have to wait between finding out a baby is coming and having that baby arrive, the better.  9 months is a looooong time to wait when you're 6 ;).  Jazzy's behaviour has also been pretty bad lately so we need to keep the focus on dealing with that right now anyway.  I'll post about this later ... but let's just say her teacher has had to have words with us on two occassions over the past 3 days of school.  Joy.  Anyway ... apart from that, things are good :)

Yes Sir, that's my baby!

Had our second scan today and the difference is amazing!  In just two weeks our little blob has quadrupled in sized and is now actually starting to take on the shape of a baby with little buds starting to show for arms and legs :). Today marks 8 weeks 2 days and our little one is measuring 8 weeks 3 days.

                   

Scout got a much better view of the screen than me and could actually see it wriggle it's little butt!  The heart rate was 175 bpm and Scout was not impressed lol.  She's a big believer in heart rate being predictive of gender and I've tried to tell her the heart rate will change over time but of course she can't help herself.  Anyway, old wives tales aside, I'm just glad there IS a heart beat and it's a good one at that :).  After the scan we had a discussion about the progesterone.  My FS wants to start weening me off it.  I'm nervous about it.   Really - I know it's not that big a deal because it was a frozen embryo transfer so I ovulated and there's a corpus luteum in there doing it's thing but it's taken a lot of embryos to finally get one to stick and I feel like the progesterone pessaries had something to do with that.  Anyway ... Starting tonight I will be skipping pessaries every second day and I'll go in for a blood test next week to make sure the levels are still ok.  If they are, then I'll stop the pessaries all together and have another blood test a week later just to make sure things are still fine.  If I spot (which I better not!) then I'll have to recommence the pessaries again.  So at this point I'm hoping this weening process goes off without a hitch and then we can officially graduate from my IVF clinic and specialist :). I have to book in with my GP now to get the ball rolling with the testing that needs to be done between 10-12 weeks and we have our first midwife appointment at 14 weeks.  

Up until now I've been pretty reserved but since the scan today it's finally starting to sink in that we are actually pregnant and all going well we're going to have a baby!  You would think with all the nausea and fatigue that would have sunk in by now but it hadn't really.  I guess I just needed to see some evidence of something that remotely resembled a baby ... and we have that now :).  Crazy!!  Anyway, I'm ridiculously tired and need to hit the hay.  For some reason I'm not sleeping very well and have been waking up at 12am to pee and then tossing and turning and peeing till 4am before I finally fall asleep again.  It's been exhausting ... especially when I need to get up at 6.30am for work.   So I'm really hoping I get some sleep tonight cause I NEED IT.  More Zzzzzzz please!

Sharing with others

We've had an interesting week.  Last Sunday (3 days after our 6 week scan) we had a visit from our friends who have also been TTC for the past 2 years.  We haven't seen or talked to them in awhile and were hoping their visit was to tell us they were well on their way through a pregnancy but unfortunately that wasn't the case.  They have had numerous miscarriages and the latest has pretty much taken them to the limits of what they can bare.  I am devastated for them and all the heartache they've been through.   In a last ditch effort they have decided to try one more time and switch who will carry.  We are hoping and praying it will make the difference for them because they have seriously been through enough.   Although it's fortunate that they do have the option of switching who will carry, it was clearly a painful decision to make.  To go through so much that you finally reach a point where you choose to accept that your body cannot and will not carry a baby is huge.  I really feel for them.  Needless to say we did not share our news with them and if our little one does go the distance, it will be hard to tell them.  I know they will be happy for us, but I also know that any happiness for us will be mixed with a lot of sadness for them.   

My mum also came to visit this week.  At first she sounded like she was just going to pop in for a quick hello and I kinda cracked it with her over the phone.  We hardly get to see her so I wanted to be able to spend a bit of time with her while she was in town and I also wanted her to spend time with Scout and the girls too.  Popping in one evening on a weekday to say hi when she's spent days hanging out with her partners friends is not good enough, so being my overly emotional pregnant self, I had a bit of an angry rant which turned into tears on the phone.   Fortunately that was enough to get her to change her plans and spend some time with us but I was disappointed that it took a mini meltdown on the phone to get her to check her priorities.  Anyway we told her our news on the second day she was with us.  I kinda chickened out on the first day.  If she'd known we were trying it would have been easier but it felt a bit like coming-out to some extent about TTC!  Needless to say she was pretty shocked.  I think she had long given up on me ever giving her a grandchild (apart from the girls that is), so it took her a little bit to process it all but in the end she seemed genuinely happy for us.  She also mentioned in the conversations that followed that she actually went through menopause at 41 which I wasn't aware of.  So I guess it's not surprising my egg quality is as shit as it is given I'm potentially 2 years away from that myself.  Scary.  

Anyway ... We are now 7 weeks 5 days, and our second scan is just a few days away.  Fingers crossed everything is still going fine in there.  I am now pretty much nauseous on and off all day, every day.  It's unpleasant but I'm not about to complain.  What I feel like I can handle eating one day, is no good the next.  I haven't puked yet but I've come close.  Scout's been waiting for the day it finally happens.  Yesterday she told me she's a sympathetic chucker so she won't be able to hold my hair when my head's in the toilet bowl but she'll be right there with me 'in spirit' lol.  She makes me laugh.  I feel very lucky to be going through this with a female partner who knows what it's like.  She is constantly looking for ways to look after me or make me feel better, like having hard lollies for me to suck on when I suddenly get sick in the car :).  She came home with donuts the other day thinking I would be all over them since she ate donuts a lot when she was pregnant, but unfortunately my stomach was not up for it.  She was so disappointed that her little plan to surprise me had backfired.  We also had a look at some maternity pants not long ago that she wanted me to buy but I said no cos I didn't need them yet.  She pretty much told me "That's fine, I'll just buy them for you when you're not looking and hide them in the cupboard till the day you are standing in front of the mirror crying that you have nothing to wear and then I'll look good when I whip them out and make your day" lol.  She's the best.  I am so lucky to have her :). Anyway thanks everyone who commented on our scan pic the other week. I'll post again after our next scan on Thursday.  

We have a blob!!!

We were very nervous and excited about the scan today ... and thankfully it went great :).  Our little one is measuring right on track at 6 weeks 2 days and had a heart rate of 114 bpm!   Amazing to see it flashing away on the screen and then to hear it :). We are just over the moon and so happy to know that everything is just as it should be at this point.  I'm feeling pretty good, probably because I'm on a bit of a high from the scan!  The cramps seem to have eased off a bit lately which is nice.  So my only real symptoms at the moment are sore boobs, fatigue and occasional sickly feeling if I've gone too long without eating.   Our next scan is in another 2 weeks and all going well, we'll be off to join the public queue of pregnant women after that :)  Next week my mum will be visiting us for a day or so.  She lives in Queensland and I haven't seen her for over 18 mths.  I'm not sure when we will be seeing her again so we plan on telling her our news while she's here.  She doesn't even know we've been TTC so who knows how she'll react but hopefully it will be positive.  I'm sure it will be.  We will probably wait till around the 10 week mark to tell the girls and the rest of the family.  It's been hard keeping it from the girls cos we know how excited they will be ... But it's only another month to wait which will no doubt go quickly :).  Anyway ... Here's the pics from the scan today.  It doesn't look like much but that fuzzy blob is the beginnings of our baby!